Screens and Teens: Co-Parenting in a Digital World

Hey everyone! Dr. Raghu Appasani, co-founder of PTAC and a psychiatrist specializing in addiction and integrative care, is here again. This time, I’m talking all things tech and divorced parents, especially as we head into the holidays. I’m going live in our private Instagram community to continue the conversation this Wednesday, December 4th at 9 pm ET/6 pm PT.

Navigating the challenges of parenting teens is tricky enough, but the complexity multiplies when co-parenting after a divorce or separation. Add screens and tech into the mix; you’ve got a whole new layer of potential conflicts and misunderstandings. When multiple households are involved, where parents may have different philosophies about screen use, maintaining consistency, boundaries, and communication becomes crucial.

So, how can divorced or separated parents work together to help their teens develop a healthy relationship with technology? Let’s explore actionable strategies to create harmony around screens in your co-parenting dynamic:

Agree on Shared Tech Values: Discuss your overarching goals for your teen’s tech use with your co-parent. While your specific rules may differ in each household, having shared values—like prioritizing homework, sleep, and in-person social interactions—helps to ensure consistency.

Is tech a tool for learning? A source of entertainment? A way to stay connected with friends? If both households share similar principles, it will be easier for the teen to adapt and respect the expectations.

Create a Unified Screen Time Plan: Consistency is key for teens, especially in split homes. Create a written plan with your co-parent outlining clear rules and expectations around screen use. Please share this with your teen and get their buy-in and feedback. This might include:

1. Time Limits: Setting a maximum screen time daily, especially on school nights.

2. Zones: Designating tech-free areas like bedrooms or family meal spaces.

3. Content Boundaries: Agreeing on acceptable games, apps, and streaming platforms.

4. Consequences: Outlining what happens if the rules are broken.

You don’t need to enforce identical rules in both homes, but ensuring your teen understands the core principles and consequences is essential.

Use Tech to Coordinate Parenting: Leverage shared tools like Google Calendar or apps like OurFamilyWizard to track tech-related rules and schedules. For instance:

1. Log tech-free times for family dinners or activities.

2. Keep track of shared tech privileges (like when your teen earns more screen time for completing chores).

Apps like this can reduce confusion and miscommunication, especially if teens try to put one parent against the other—a common tactic during adolescence.

Foster Accountability in Teens: Encourage your teen to take an active role in managing their tech use. This could mean setting their daily screen limits (with parental oversight) or reporting how they use their devices. Empowering them to self-regulate helps build independence and reduces the need for micromanagement.

Stay Curious, Not Confrontational: Teens are naturally defensive about their tech habits, but being judgmental or strict can drive a wedge between you. Instead, approach the topic with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions such as:

1. “What do you enjoy about this game or app?”

2. “How do you feel after spending a few hours online?”

3. “Are there moments where tech feels more stressful than fun?”

When teens feel heard, they’re more likely to respect boundaries rather than rebel against them.

Show a United Front, Even If You Disagree: Your teen doesn’t need to know the intricacies of disagreements with your co-parent. Avoid criticizing each other’s rules or parenting in front of your teen. Instead, frame any differences constructively: “At your other parent’s house, you’re allowed X, and here, we do Y. Both are okay, but let’s talk about how you can balance these rules.”

Navigating screens and teens in a split home requires patience, collaboration, and flexibility. By focusing on shared values, maintaining open communication, and involving your teen in the process, you can create a tech plan that works for everyone. Remember, the goal isn’t to control your teen’s tech use—it’s to help them develop healthy habits they’ll carry into adulthood and ensure trust in the family relationship.

What are your strategies for managing screen time in a split home? Join me in our private Instagram community to continue the conversation on our Live this Wednesday, December 4th, at 9 pm ET/6 pm PT.