Tis the Season to Be Present

Is Your Screen Time Hurting Your Child’s Emotional Health?

It’s the holiday morning, wrapping paper is flying, and your child’s eyes light up with excitement as they unwrap a gift. “Mom, look at this!” or “Dad, can you help me with this?” they shout, holding up their new treasure. But instead of being fully present, you’re mid-scroll on your phone, checking a message, or skimming an email.

Here’s the truth: those fleeting moments of distraction become lasting memories that could shape your child’s emotional world more than you realize.

Screens are everywhere, and we use them for almost everything. But research shows that when parents are distracted by their phones—whether texting, checking emails, or scrolling through social media—it can feel like neglect to children, even if you’re physically close (Levine et al., 2018). If you’re distracted when your child wants your attention, they may feel unseen, which can chip away at their sense of security and attachment.

In short- even if you do everything “by the book” to foster a secure attachment, doing it with a screen in front of you will yield different results than expected.

Why Your Presence is The Greatest Present

How we respond to those little requests for attention can impact our kids' sense of attachment. Secure attachment is built on emotional availability. And if you’re distracted by your screen, that bond can weaken, affecting your long-term emotional well-being.

What Is Attachment, and Why Does It Matter?

In simple terms, attachment refers to the emotional bond between you and your child. A secure attachment helps them feel safe, confident, and emotionally supported as they explore the world.

But here’s the catch: your child needs you to be physically and emotionally present for that attachment to form. And if you’re too distracted by your screen, that emotional connection can weaken.

Emotional Attunement: It’s Not Just About Screen Time

It’s not just how much screen time you’re spending; it’s how your screen time impacts your ability to respond to your child’s emotional needs. Emotional attunement is noticing and responding to your child’s feelings in real time. If your attention is divided, you might miss their subtle cues—like frustration, anxiety, or the need for comfort. When that happens, your child can feel emotionally insecure, which affects their attachment to you.

Kids Are Watching You

Children learn by watching you, especially during the holidays. We like to use the phrase “show, don’t tell”- i.e., actions speak louder than words. If they see you scrolling through your phone while gifts are unwrapped or holiday meals are shared, they’ll believe that screens matter more than people. This can shape how they prioritize relationships and build their emotional bonds. If you want your child to cherish in-person connection, it’s up to you to model it yourself.

How Do You Make Screens Playful and Balanced This Holiday Season?

You don’t have to ditch devices entirely to enjoy the holidays, but setting boundaries can help make the season more meaningful. Here are some fun and thoughtful ways to balance screen time while creating lasting memories with your family:

Balancing screen time during the holidays can feel tricky, but with a bit of creativity, it’s possible to turn devices into tools for connection rather than distractions. How does your family set boundaries while keeping the holidays fun and meaningful?

• Make a Family Holiday Song on Suno: Turn technology into a tool for creativity by making a family song on Suno! Gather everyone to brainstorm lyrics about your favorite family memories, holiday traditions, or even silly inside jokes. (We made one about pugs and Christmas!!)

• If Your Kids Are Getting Their First Device, Set Boundaries Right Out of the Box: Take a few minutes to configure safety settings that align with your family values. This could include content filters, app restrictions, or time management tools.

• Screen-Free Gift Unwrapping: How do you ensure everyone is fully present while sharing in the joy of opening gifts? Have you tried creating a "phone drop spot" like a festive stocking or holiday box?

• Mind Your Posts: How do you teach kids to think about the impact of sharing holiday moments online? Have you had conversations about how posting gifts might affect others?

• Holiday Scavenger Hunts: Could hiding devices in stockings or around the house become a fun family tradition? How do you turn putting phones away into a game?

The Takeaway: Your Presence is their Present

So, the next time you’re tempted to check your phone during a precious moment with your child, pause and ask yourself: Is this moment worth it? Those few seconds of distraction could impact your child’s sense of attachment and their ability to form healthy emotional connections later in life.

Technology isn’t going anywhere, but how you use it—and how present you are in key moments—can make all the difference in your child’s emotional development.

ReferencesLevine, M. P., Murnen, S. K., & Smolak, L. (2018). Media, body image, and eating disorders: The role of parents and peers. In The Oxford Handbook of Eating Disorders (pp. 472-484). Oxford University Press.

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Volume 1. Attachment. Basic Books.