What Does It Mean to Be a Man Today Online and in the Real World?

Hi friends! I’m Dr. Raghu Appasani, co-founder of PTAC, and a psychiatrist specializing in addiction and integrative care. My own mental health struggles led me down this career path, and now it is truly a privilege to be let into the lives of so many individuals and families to understand the human condition and be a part of their story.

If you didn’t hear, Instagram announced a new feature today that allows young people to reset their algorithm and have more agency over their digital experiences. My hope is that this will be a powerful tool to foster healthier relationships with technology and mental health. (Read more here)

In my practice as a psychiatrist, I’ve noticed a shift in young boys feeling confused about who they are and in need of belonging. Historically, masculinity has been equated with physical strength, emotional stoicism, and societal leadership. Today, traditional male roles are being questioned in our culture, and many young boys find themselves without a clear model of healthy masculinity to emulate. 

(For example, my feed is filled with posts like this)

Boys are asked by society to be strong yet sensitive, independent yet collaborative, successful but humble. This ambiguity has left many boys feeling isolated and emotionally adrift, particularly those who lack access to strong, positive male role models. With no clear box to fit into, these boys find themselves in deep need of community. 

The Rise of Red Pill and Alpha Male Culture as a Means for Community

Research from the American Psychological Association highlights how boys are increasingly turning to online spaces to find this sense of community. This is often through subcultures that emphasize assertive or aggressive notions of masculinity as a form of "redemption" for perceived failures in conventional metrics of success—such as academic or athletic achievement (APA, 2018). Rather than offering constructive support for a male culture lacking accessible mentorship and guidance, it often exacerbates negative stereotypes and harmful behaviors.

In recent years, the "red pill" movement and "alpha male" culture have gained momentum as ideologies claiming to offer answers to boys’ struggles for identity and belonging. These groups promote a hierarchical view of masculinity that casts emotional vulnerability and compromise as weaknesses. For example, the red pill community, led by influencers such as Andrew Tate, suggests that men must "wake up" to the ways in which society disadvantages them, framing women and liberal ideologies as obstacles to male success and dominance. While this narrative is appealing for its clarity and confidence, it leans into toxic masculinity, encouraging aggressive dominance and emotional suppression as virtues.

Worse yet, these platforms actually worsen the problem. NYU Professor Scott Galloway’s research reveals that the rise of platforms promoting red pill culture is inextricably linked to an increase in male loneliness and disengagement. In his analysis, he points out that fewer boys are excelling in school, and many experience social isolation in real life while being hyper-connected online (Galloway, 2023). 

Social Media Adds Fuel to the Fire

Social media has become the primary venue where young boys seek social validation, a space that amplifies emotional distress and feelings of inadequacy. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok promote hyper-masculine images and videos that reinforce unattainable standards of physical appearance and social success. Boys, particularly between the ages of 10 and 17, report an increase in body dissatisfaction related to exposure to idealized body images on social media, with 42% of boys reporting feeling pressured to be muscular due to social media comparisons.

A study published in JAMA Pediatrics shows that high social media use in adolescents is linked to increased risk of depression, anxiety, and emotional instability (Twenge & Campbell, 2018). This emotional distress can drive boys further into the digital echo chambers of red pill and alpha male communities, where they encounter communities that normalize negative views of women and relationships as a misguided way to cope with their feelings. Here, toxic ideologies can entrench themselves, offering a sense of "brotherhood" while distancing boys from healthier connections and personal growth.

The Real Question: How Can We Talk to Our Teen Boys About These Issues?

We need to provide boys with healthier models of masculinity and more supportive communities, both online and offline. Programs that emphasize emotional resilience, mentorship, and critical thinking can help counter the toxic messages pervasive in red pill and alpha male circles. Society must show boys that strength and sensitivity are not mutually exclusive and that success does not require the subjugation of others. 

Everyone must do their part. Here are some ways to get started in your home:

1. Encourage your boys to share their emotions: Teaching boys that expressing emotions is a sign of strength can help challenge traditional masculinity norms. A great way to get the conversation going is by asking them about the best and toughest parts of their day while doing a shared activity.  

2. Discuss social media in your home: Helping boys develop a critical understanding of social media can reduce the impact of harmful comparisons. To open the conversation, you can ask your boys what they’ve been seeing on social media. This allows you to better understand their experiences and guide them in navigating challenges.

3. Ask the men in your life to serve as mentors: Encouraging boys to build and maintain supportive friendships, and creating mentorship programs can provide much-needed emotional outlets and support networks. Ask the men in your life if they can volunteer or mentor a young boy they know.

4. Model healthy digital behavior: Implementing screen time guidelines and promoting healthy device use can help boys disconnect, improve sleep, and mitigate negative effects on their mental health. Make getting outside, spending time with friends, and family dinners without phones a norm. 

If you haven’t followed us yet, make sure to request to follow PTAC on Instagram! I’ll be hosting private chats with parents live on topics like this and more. Plus, we’re officially launching this week, and you won’t want to miss it! 🎉💛